Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Still Grieving

Our sweet girl is having a hard time.  She slept through the night last night, but when she opened her eyes this morning and remembered she was with us, she started crying.  At first she was just laying in the bed with tears streaming down her cheeks not making any sound (so heartbreaking to see), but then that escalated into full on crying for about 30 minutes.  I guess she needed to get that out.  I wasn't making any progress, so I handed her over to Rob and he got her to calm down, which was great.

still sad, but a little better with Daddy
We headed out this morning to the Civil Affairs Office to finalize our adoption.  Vivian was pretty scared most of the morning.  When our van pulled up and we opened the doors to get in, she started shaking and clinging to my neck for dear life.  She just doesn't understand all that is going on.  Yesterday I gave her two little Princess figurines we brought from home and she literally has not put them down since.  She clings to these, also, and I think they provide some sort of security for her.

entering the office and she is not sure what is going on

sad girl
I was worried about today b/c I knew Vivian would see her nanny again. Her nanny and the director of the orphanage spent the night in Nanning last night and came today to make sure we will keep Vivian (we had until today to change our minds ..as if!) and to be there to answer a few questions if we had any.  Vivian cried when she saw her nanny.  The nanny held her for a minute and then she cried when she came back to me.  They clearly had a bond and we are so grateful she was loved even though it makes it hard now.

the man video taping in the background is Vivian's orphanage director

sadly, her face says it all as far as how she feels about being adopted right now

Then we headed to the passport office to do more paperwork there.  Finally, we came back to the hotel.  Vivian ate some congee for lunch and seemed to relax a bit for the first time today.

We took her to the hotel restaurant for dinner this evening and had the best hour we've had yet.  We don't know what it was, but she REALLY relaxed at dinner.  She even gave Rob two almost-smiles and one for me.  She is a good little eater (she does love her congee) and wants to try anything Rob and I are eating.  She doesn't know how to chew solids yet, and her nanny told me today they have never given her solids, so we just give her soft foods and she seems to do fine with that.  We've had some trouble getting her to drink from a cup or water bottle (she spills everywhere) and her nanny explained to me today that they spoon feed her liquids to her.  So we spoon fed her the water tonight and she was happy with that.

congee and fried rice

feeling a little better
After dinner she we came back to the room and she actually played with a few toys for the first time.  We did some Face time with family back home and then, just as soon as we thought we had taken a step forward, she fell apart.  She just started crying and so I snuggled with her and she moaned herself to sleep.

We know all of her behaviors are normal and we know she has to go through this grieving period, but that doesn't make it easy to watch. It hurts my heart that she is not comfortable with us and we so want to do something to help her, but we just don't know what.  We want her to like us b/c we are so totally smitten with her.  Rob, ever the positive one, reminded me tonight to focus on the positive things we saw today and he feels we will keep seeing more of those each day.  I hope so.  Our girl has been through so much and she is traumatized and we just want to make everything better for her.  She has endured more in her first 2 1/2 years than some of us will in a lifetime.

Tomorrow is a free day for us so we plan to try and go the park and do some fun things.  Thursday we return to Vivian's orphanage for a visit and I'm sure that is going to be a challenging day.  Who knows, maybe we will get a smile tomorrow!


  1. You guys are doing great and everything right!!! She will feel so comfortable and happy soon. I am sure it is heart breaking to watch her grieve. She is beautiful beyond words!!! Congratulations again!!

  2. I am so so so sorry. With our 1st in 2009 we had no tears no sadness all smooth BUT I know that is rare and I feel all you are going thru now will be us in a few months with our 2nd. Everything I read says this is normal and necessary for her to moarn the loss and gain the love and joy of her new family. Tough but it will turn around in time.

  3. As hard as it is now, I'm sure you know through your research what a great sign this is for later. Tessa never grieved like that, so I don't have any great words of wisdom. I'd encourage you to wear her as much as possible, and get ready to continue the cosleeping after you get home. The park sounds like a great idea, I hope it lets you see some of her smiles. Be sure to wear her through the orphanage and just continue speaking softly to her the entire time. I took Tessa off to the side a few times during the orphanage visit, to give her a moment to focus just on me. I didn't want her to think we were taking her back, which is a legitimate concern in their minds. This too shall pass, but I'm sorry it's so hard right now. Big hugs from NC!

  4. Maureen and Rob,
    I just want to hug you both from MN.. You are doing a great job!!! You are following her lead. One day at a time (or one minute at a time) is so hard when your heart is breaking to watch her grieve. So great that she is letting some of it out. She is going to continue to turn a corner. Hopefully in the next few days. But, it may take longer. Her sweet little heart is trying to figure it all out. When we took Emme back to the SWI our guide told her we were just going back to say thank you and goodbye. She seemed to understand that.. Our visit, while hard, was the closure Emme needed. Your visit will give you a glimpse into Vivian's beginnings. Such a blessing for her one day. And, for you to know and understand her deeper. I will be praying that the blooms on your beautiful flower unfold.. And, that as you head to Guangzhou that she is settling in.. And, that in the days ahead she wakes up with a joyful heart.. It will happen, and it won't be long.. Hang in there. She's so precious! ~Diana

  5. She is precious! It must be so hard to watch her grieve...it will get better. :) Blessings on the rest of your time in China!

  6. Sweet baby girl. She reminds me so much of Wesleigh. She had a really hard time. It will get so much better!! There is something about getting to GZ that makes everything so much better. Praying for lots of bonding time tomorrow. She is precious!!