Still Grieving

Our sweet girl is having a hard time.  She slept through the night last night, but when she opened her eyes this morning and remembered she was with us, she started crying.  At first she was just laying in the bed with tears streaming down her cheeks not making any sound (so heartbreaking to see), but then that escalated into full on crying for about 30 minutes.  I guess she needed to get that out.  I wasn't making any progress, so I handed her over to Rob and he got her to calm down, which was great.

still sad, but a little better with Daddy

We headed out this morning to the Civil Affairs Office to finalize our adoption.  Vivian was pretty scared most of the morning.  When our van pulled up and we opened the doors to get in, she started shaking and clinging to my neck for dear life.  She just doesn't understand all that is going on.  Yesterday I gave her two little Princess figurines we brought from home and she literally has not put them down since.  She clings to these, also, and I think they provide some sort of security for her.

entering the office and she is not sure what is going on

sad girl

I was worried about today b/c I knew Vivian would see her nanny again. Her nanny and the director of the orphanage spent the night in Nanning last night and came today to make sure we will keep Vivian (we had until today to change our minds ..as if!) and to be there to answer a few questions if we had any.  Vivian cried when she saw her nanny.  The nanny held her for a minute and then she cried when she came back to me.  They clearly had a bond and we are so grateful she was loved even though it makes it hard now.

the man video taping in the background is Vivian's orphanage director

sadly, her face says it all as far as how she feels about being adopted right now

Then we headed to the passport office to do more paperwork there.  Finally, we came back to the hotel.  Vivian ate some congee for lunch and seemed to relax a bit for the first time today.

We took her to the hotel restaurant for dinner this evening and had the best hour we've had yet.  We don't know what it was, but she REALLY relaxed at dinner.  She even gave Rob two almost-smiles and one for me.  She is a good little eater (she does love her congee) and wants to try anything Rob and I are eating.  She doesn't know how to chew solids yet, and her nanny told me today they have never given her solids, so we just give her soft foods and she seems to do fine with that.  We've had some trouble getting her to drink from a cup or water bottle (she spills everywhere) and her nanny explained to me today that they spoon feed her liquids to her.  So we spoon fed her the water tonight and she was happy with that.

congee and fried rice

feeling a little better

After dinner she we came back to the room and she actually played with a few toys for the first time.  We did some Face time with family back home and then, just as soon as we thought we had taken a step forward, she fell apart.  She just started crying and so I snuggled with her and she moaned herself to sleep.

We know all of her behaviors are normal and we know she has to go through this grieving period, but that doesn't make it easy to watch. It hurts my heart that she is not comfortable with us and we so want to do something to help her, but we just don't know what.  We want her to like us b/c we are so totally smitten with her.  Rob, ever the positive one, reminded me tonight to focus on the positive things we saw today and he feels we will keep seeing more of those each day.  I hope so.  Our girl has been through so much and she is traumatized and we just want to make everything better for her.  She has endured more in her first 2 1/2 years than some of us will in a lifetime.

Tomorrow is a free day for us so we plan to try and go the park and do some fun things.  Thursday we return to Vivian's orphanage for a visit and I'm sure that is going to be a challenging day.  Who knows, maybe we will get a smile tomorrow!