Thursday, October 2, 2014

A Love Affair

There is a little love affair going on in our house right now.  It is a love affair between my oldest child and my youngest.

He is such a good big brother to her.  He has been since day one.  He helps me a ton with her.  She trusts him completely and he takes really good care of her.  A few weeks ago we had a babysitter for the night. Vivian was OK when we left but started crying for me at bedtime.  The babysitter was having a hard time settling her down, so he went in and laid in bed with her until she fell asleep.  It is just little things like that he does all the time that make their relationship very sweet.

My oldest started middle school this year.  He also started playing football.  These two things have really changed his schedule and he spends much more time away from the house than he ever has. On the days he has football practice, he stays at school until practice starts and doesn't get home until 8:00 or so.

We all miss him.  Especially Vivian.  And he misses her, too.

He will ask me to try and keep Vivian awake until he comes home on football nights because he doesn't like to go all day without seeing her. Because she has a pretty early bedtime, she is rarely awake when he gets home. But if she is, she gets so excited to see him.

On weekends, she doesn't let him out of her sight.  She follows his every move and he is so patient with her.

There is no doubt she is his biggest fan.

It's a bit of an unlikely love affair to me because of the age difference between them.  When we decided to adopt, I guess I kind of figured he would be the least involved of the three, and the least interested with his new sibling because they would have the least in common. They are 7 years apart.  I was wrong.

I love watching them together.  Sometimes when I watch them I think back to all of the "concerns" that were often expressed to us by others when we announced we were going to add another child to our family by adopting.  I remember the "concerns" about our other children and how this decision might negatively impact them and how this new child might "take away" from them.

While I know many of these concerns came from a loving place, I never agreed with that thinking. Sure, I guess in some ways there are some changes in our family that others might consider negatives. I will admit that we have had to spread our attention, energy, and resources a bit thinner since adding Vivian.  But I don't see it negatively impacting my kids. Actually, I think it has been the opposite.  It has made them all, including Vivian, more flexible, patient, understanding and less selfish.  I think, sometimes, people underestimate kids and their ability to adapt and to love.

I always felt, in my heart, that adding another child would be a positive experience for my kids.  I'm so glad I listened to my heart because, as it turns out, I was right.

And I think these two would agree.


  1. So precious! It is the same in our house. Winston (who went with us on the trip to China) had the closest relationships with Avery besides her dad and I! Winston is 12. It has also brought out the soft side in my 15 year old son.

  2. Really, really sweet :)

  3. The 2 pics with your son in his full football uniform brought tears to my eyes! So very sweet!! I, for one, will say that children can have very close relationships despite a large age difference! It may be a slightly different relationship than those close in age. But it can be close and special nonetheless! My children are 14, almost 9, 5.5, and Little Guy is 18 mos. I do wonder if Little Guy will have much memory of my oldest still living at home, but they will just have to be intentional about forming their relationship.

  4. So sweet!! They both look so much older now than in the picture at the top of your blog! Growing so fast

  5. So so sweet! Thank you for sharing about their special relationship!

    My son and daughter are four years apart, but similar. i think his presence really, really helped her with the transition to our family. And they really help each other "out in the world" (he is autistic, she has an attachment disorder) with feeling secure and gaining social success .her first word was gu-gu (older brother).
    These pictures say it all and made my day.

  7. My oldest son and my daughter have a very sweet relationship, as well. What a blessing! We're in the process to adopt now, and 2 people have recently told us that we should "concentrate on the kids we already have" instead of adopting. It's a hard, discouraging thing to hear. Your blog was just the encouragement I needed today! Thank you!


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  9. Hey there, I got your blog from the Capps family-my dad works with him. I was just wondering if you'd be willing to talk more with me about your experience and story. I am really interested in adoption! If so, please email me at
    Thanks so much for sharing your life!!