I have struggled this week with whether or not to write this post. I have gone back and forth about whether I should tell this part of the story. It is not the part I am proud of. I decided I needed to write it because this blog is supposed to be the honest record of our adoption journey. And it would not be honest to only record the good parts. This is our journey and I want my future daughter to know how it was that we came to find each other. It seems that, for whatever reason, our story is not destined to be quick and easy and painless. But, not much in life is. So here is our latest update.
On Tuesday night, at 9:30 pm, Rob and I were surprised by a phone call from our adoption agency. For the second time they had the file of a little girl for us to review. For the second time, we read through the file of a precious child and, for the second time, had to say no. She was not our girl.
Let me say one thing, just in case you are wondering. Rob and I are NOT looking for a "perfect" child. We did not say no because she was not "perfect". We realize there will be no "perfect" file. We are talking about children who have spent their lives so far in an orphanage. We expect developmental delays and medical uncertainties. But, as we reviewed this file of a child we might consider making our 4th, we had to be thinking about the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd children sleeping upstairs in our house. We have to be honest about what we feel we can handle. We had a feeling that this might be more than we could handle. And taking on more than we can handle would not be fair to this child, or our 3 children. So, as much as we did not want to, we said no.
It is incredibly hard to say no to a child who desperately needs someone to say yes to them. It is hard to put into words what it feels like to read these files and read about the place where a child was abandoned, and how a search was done for their family and
no one was found. This little girl's story is the same story as the hundreds of thousands of other orphans in China. A search is done and NO ONE COMES FORWARD. No one comes for them.
Who will come for them? Who will come for her?
Too many children and not enough families coming for them.
A friend of mine arrived home from China a few weeks ago with her new daughter. Upon arriving home they found out that their adoption agency is closing. One of the reasons cited by the agency: "
lack of clients".
Not enough people are going for these kids. It is hard to know this and say no to one of them.
I saw this preview for a new documentary that is out right now. This documentary states that " in the past 5 years the number of children adopted to the U.S. has plummeted by 50%".
It is hard to know all of this and to say no to an innocent child. It is hard, this journey of adoption. But, we are not giving up. We are not looking for a "perfect" child, just the child who is "perfect" for us. We believe she is out there, and I wish I could tell her, "hang on sweet girl.....we are coming for you".
"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you"
-John 14:18
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